Monday, August 13, 2012

Being Sick Is Frustrating

A few days ago I posted about my unique red eye that wouldn't open all the way due to some kind of infection.  The eye doctor told me that it was most likely passed on to me from my kids after they spent five days with fevers.  The virus just chose to attack my eye, he said.  The eye stuff started on Wednesday.  I saw the doctor on Friday.  By Saturday I had a fever, swollen glands, a pounding headache, and a soar throat.  That continued through Sunday, and now into today.  And to top it all off my eye, although it is improving, is still tearing up like crazy.

Being sick is a pain in the rear for sure, if for no other reason than the misery of the physical condition it leaves one in.  It's not fun feeling flushed and having pain every time you swallow.  But what is more frustrating for me is the time lost by having to rest, take it easy, and heal from the disease.

I was so mad when I woke up on Sunday morning and was feverish.  Skipping church due to being sick is just not an option, so I struggled through it and went home early, and then proceeded to take a nap for pretty much the rest of the day.  That made it hard to sleep on Sunday night, so I couldn't fall asleep until after 2 AM.  I woke up at 7 AM, determined to go to a meeting that I had scheduled the week before, even though I still felt sick.  I pushed through the meeting, went to staff meeting at church, and the came home and took another 2 hour nap.  This is not efficient, as I'll be at camp next week, and I essentially have to do two weeks worth of work this week to make up for it.  After I woke up, I did as much work as I could from home, then went into church at 8:30 tonight to do some stuff I couldn't do from home.  What a pain.

I've been very frustrated all day.  I need to get stuff done!  I need to work!  I want to be with my family and kids!  This sick stuff is not fitting into my schedule.  A couple times today I thought about Paul's "thorn int he flesh" and how he asked God to take it away from him.  God's response, of course, was that his grace was sufficient for Paul, and that he should rest in that even in the face of affliction.  While I believe this, it's not easy to do.

I can definitely see that God is doing something in this particular illness.  Late August, among other times, is one of my busiest times of the year.  All of the fall ministries are ramping up, and there's a lot of stuff that needs to get done in order for them to kick off, and most of that stuff falls onto my plate.  I've put in a lot of extra hours, felt some anxiety, and sacrificed some family time in order to get things done.  I think it's a very real possibility that God is telling me to slow down, rest in his grace, and get a grip!  Again, although I know this is the message, it's harder to accept and apply it.

Looking forward to a good night's sleep tonight, and hopefully I can get a hold of what's going on in my life right now, turning that frustration into praise.

No comments: