The Torment Of Having A Song Stuck In Your Head

All morning I've been humming a tune as I clean my house. And every once in a while I'll sing out a line of the chorus in my most dramatic, pop star-like voice. My wife tells me to stop singing that song, and then I go back to simply humming it and having it go through my brain.

I'm convinced that if you want to take revenge on someone, or defeat an enemy, or something like that, the worst thing you could ever do to them is give them a catchy tune that will get stuck in their brain. It really is enough to almost drive you (and those around you) crazy. Maybe I should write to W and have him use this strategy in the war on terror.

However, this predicament is not necessarily bad if it's a song that you enjoy. But over time I have also become convinced that the songs that inevitably get stuck in your head are NOT songs you enjoy.

Case in point: last week I was changing around my iTunes account information, which forced me to do some work on the "store" page of the program. I glanced at the "Top Songs" menu and noticed that the number 1 song that is being downloaded from iTunes is "I Kissed A Girl." There's also a picture of the artist next to the title of the song: Katy Perry.

"Wait a minute," said I. "That's a girl...singing a song called "I Kissed A Girl. Hmmm."

This might be a good time to mention that I have long since given up on the pop music scene. Most of it is crap, and it'll only be around for a week or two, so there's no point in getting into it. I'd rather listen to music that has passed the test of time, and will continue to be good throughout the ages. Either that or conservative talk radio. Take your pick.

So needless to say, I was not familiar with the song until I saw it on iTunes. I decided to check it out. Not willing to pay the $0.99 for the song on iTunes I swung over to Youtube and looked up the video. My first reaction to the video was that they don't make videos like they used to. The video was completely unimaginative, boring, and full of women who's only talent is their chest. Plus the woman singing the song didn't even look like she was singing! She was just mouthing words. It was completely boring (note: if you want to see a good video where the band actually looks like they're singing and enjoying what they're doing, check out the best music video ever made). Come on people! You're entertainers! Earn the fame and respect you're given! At least look like you enjoy what you're doing.

I must admit, however, that the song had a catchy hook - at least catchy enough for me to be singing it while I'm cleaning my house today. In that respect, pop music hasn't changed. People are still able to pump out catchy jingles that you'll like long enough for them to make millions.

The truly disgusting part (and this is nothing new in pop music) is the debauchery that's glorified in the song's lyrics. If you've never heard the song before, here are the lyrics for ya:

This was never the way I planned
Not my intention
I got so brave, drink in hand
Lost my discretion
It's not what, I'm used to
Just wanna try you on
I'm curious for you
Caught my attention

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

No, I don't even know your name
It doesn't matter
You're my experimental game
Just human nature
It's not what, good girls do
Not how they should behave
My head gets so confused
Hard to obey

Us girls we are so magical
Soft skin, red lips, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal, it's innocent

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

So, how's that for uplifting music? Something you want your kids dancing to? Something you want to hear your spouse singing while cleaning the house? Probably not. Now I understand that many of you would (rightly) say to me, "Joel, haven't you ever heard 'It's So Easy?' or 'Back Off B$%#h'? or 'In The Garden' or 'Shotgun Blues'" (all of which are songs by my all time favorite band, Guns N' Roses)? All I can say in response to that is: you're right. You got me. There is definitely an element of hypocrisy in what I'm saying. I can't very well condemn a certain form of entertainment for it's debauchery and then participate in another like form of entertainment that is equally debauched. With this reality in view, I'll limit my critique to style. So, all that to say that I've got a few gripes with "I Kissed A Girl":

1) The song is unimaginative and stupid. If you're going to express yourself through the medium of music, at least get some creativity.

2) Singing about sex is the lowest common denominator. Any idiot can be shocking for the sake of being shocking. Sing about something that actually takes a little brain power to come up with.

3) Stop writing catchy hooks that get stuck in my brain. I'm tired of explaining to my wife that I didn't actually kiss a girl (besides her), and that I didn't like it.

4) Please, please, please, (and I can say this without being hypocritical, because I would just as well say it to Axl Rose) think about the content of what you're writing. And please, please, please, think about the young minds you're pushing it on. Do you think people in their 30's are listening to this stuff? Maybe, but not that many. Most of it goes straight to the ears of 12 and 13 year olds. Are these things that we want them to be learning? "I kissed a girl and I liked it - don't mean I'm in love tonight - Us girls we are so magical - Soft skin, red lips, so kissable - Hard to resist so touchable - Too good to deny it - Ain't no big deal, it's innocent". Check out some of the comments posted on YouTube regarding the "I Kissed A Girl" video:

I love this song, its the best. It shouldnt matter what kind person you are. Girls♥ are hott. And so are guys♥

I must agree with a lot of these comments. Nothing wrong with lesbians, the hot ones turn me on. sick song 2

She's not lesbo.sometimes girls just randomly experiment and kiss each other.

I love this song my parents hate it tho.

i love how she sings "innocent" toward the end.

i loves this song :P and lolli298 theres nothing wrong with a girl liking a girl or a guy liking a guy so keep your mouth shut :D

god dats hot

clap, clap, clap!!! Girls kiss girls. Boys kiss boys. Girls kiss boys. All the possibilities, its freedom, Its human dignity.

My comment (although I didn't post it on YouTube): More and more reasons to shelter the crap out of my son!

Well, that's enough of a rant for now - back to my cleaning. Let's see, what song should I listen to?