Why Kids Don't Like Church

A couple weeks ago I read this article on The Resurgence that talks about how parents can teach their children to "hate church."  It makes some good points about how parents can set the tone of their children's process of developing a spiritual hunger by what they say and do regarding spiritual things.  For example, the article says that if you want to teach your kids to hate church, then "pray only in front of people," the implication being that children learn that the place for prayer is church and not in one's personal life.  Each of the "5 ways to make your kids hate church" pretty much has to do with the differentiation between public and private faith.  In other words, our kids will see if we are committed to the faith by how we act in private - not just at church.  If they see that our faith is genuine outside the church walls, they are more apt to explore it for themselves.  That is, the greater likelihood they will develop a spiritual hunger of their own if they see the parent's spiritual hunger being fed inside and outside the church walls.  They are all good points, and I recommend the article.

Today I read this article by a guy who takes on the same topic, except he looks at it more from the church's point of view.  Is there anything the church is doing to teach kids to "hate church"?  He explores the topic from his own experience as a pastor, and I think he makes some good observations.

First of all, kids don't want to go to church because their parents have shirked their responsibility to insist on what is good for their children.  The author of the article points out that parents would never trust their 10 year old child with the decision of choosing what medical doctor to visit.  Nor would they entrust the decision of what kind of medicine to consume to a kid.  Would an adult allow a young child to make investment choices for a 401k?  Certainly not.  Yet when it comes to church, parents are all to happy to let their children make the decisions for them.  And when a child makes that decision, he or she is making it based on the preferences of a child - not a rational, thinking adult.  The kid is going to go for what is fun, not necessarily what he or she needs spiritually.

Certainly the parents bear some of the responsibility in letting their kids take on this authoritative role, but I would expand the blame to include the church in general.  This is something we need to be teaching parents, and especially to fathers: you are the God-ordained spiritual authority in your family.  You are responsible to raise your children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.  Your children are (in many cases) unregenerate sinners.  Consider this as you make decisions about their spiritual rearing.

Secondly, the author of the article implies that our culture, which is driven by pleasure and instant gratification, has trained children to desire what is the most fun, and if it doesn't deliver on their desires, to move on to something that does.  This means that when a kid isn't having fun at church, he or she is trained to abandon that which does not satisfy (a particular church) and seek out something that does (a different church that is more fun).  David Michael of Children Desiring God gives  fabulous presentation about how to reply to people who call up the church office asking if there is anything "fun" at a church for their children to do, and how this is the last thing we need to be worried about when it comes to children's ministry in the church.  Too often in churches, a child's enjoyment has become the goal, rather than a means to an end.  Do we have fun in Sunday School at Riverview?  Yes, but that is not our goal.  Our goal is to learn about the glorious deeds of the Lord as recorded in scripture, and one of the ways we do that is by having fun as we learn.

Unfortunately, the church has adopted the culture of entertainment, and instead of desiring to teach about God, their main focus usually is to be more entertaining than the church down the road so as to attract more people.  Will it attract more people?  Indeed, because that's one of the major elements that people have been trained to look for in a church.  Is it good?  Absolutely not.  Because what is cool and entertaining now, won't be in a couple months.  The church that seeks to entertain as a goal will always have to change what they're doing in order to accommodate what the culture has defined as entertaining.

Finally, the church has trained both adults and children that serious theology and worship are for adults - not kids.  Nothing could be further from the truth!  But aren't kids a bit young to be learning theology?  Isn't the realm of theology reserved for scholars and pastors, and maybe smart adults?  No!  All Christians - from the most learned scholar to the most humble layman - engage theology on a regular, every day basis.  You may not realize it, but as a believer, every decision you make, deed you perform, word you say, and thought you think, is based upon your knowledge of who God is and what God is like.  The goal of ministry to children in the church is to get them to think theologically - to encourage them to ask the questions "Who is God?" and "What is God like?"  As they ponder these, they will then begin to ask, "How should I act toward God?"  This is learning theology, and it's not just for adults.  Any curriculum or Christian education that does not begin and end with theology is flawed.  It's time for the church to realize this reality and factor it into its ministry.

The author of the article concludes with a poignant point that we have trained children (and adults, for that matter) "to evaluate life the same way they would a theme park."  Are we really that surprised that so many kids are walking away from the church when they leave high school?  Why would we be?

Extermination

I seem to be on "Christians threatened with violence for their intolerant religious views about homosexuality" theme today, so I might as well go with it.  My post from earlier today talked about the irony of asserting that pro-traditional marriage views are "stone-age" ways of thinking while reacting to said views with threats or jokes about violence.  Apparently violence against those with whom we disagree is, in fact, not a stone-age way of dealing with people, but is instead sophisticated and modern.

Moreover, I talked just briefly about the hypocrisy of people who will allow (and even endorse) threats of violence against those with whom they disagree, but will cry foul as soon as any a criticism of their point of view is expressed by the opposing side.  I've also said on this blog that public ridicule and even danger is on the way for Christians who dare to voice their religious convictions in the public square.  We're already being classified as a hate group, and pretty soon it will be allowable for our freedoms to be diminished and for our religious privileges to be revoked.

It's going to happen sooner than we think.

This afternoon, as I was doing a random perusal of the internet, I happened upon the Wretched Radio website, and saw the picture to the left.  It was reportedly snapped by someone at the 2012 Minnesota State Fair.  The guy's hair is in the way a little bit, but you can clearly fill in the blanks and read this message: "Exterminate Christians one bullet at a time" (click to enlarge).  A few thoughts here:

1. How does this guy get away with wearing this shirt?  That's a threat!  Couldn't his shirt be considered "fighting words?"

2. Take out the word "Christians" and insert something like "Muslims" or "Homosexuals."  I can guarantee the guy would be arrested, or at least told to remove the shirt and have it confiscated by the police.

3. I have no way of knowing how seriously the guy wearing the shirt believes the sentiment he's broadcasting on his back.  Maybe he thinks it's a joke.  If he does, it's not funny.  See above, and then tell me how funny a Muslim or homosexual would think it is.  I have no reason to believe that he thinks it's a joke.  For all intents and purposes, he truly believes that Christians should be "exterminated."

4. It would be foolish to think that the shirt and the "VOTE NO" fan stuffed into his pants aren't related.  He's got the fan there as an advertisement, not as a convenient place to hold a fan.  He knows what's on his shirt, and he knows that anyone who reads the fan will also read the shirt.  He's trying to connect the two messages.  Mission accomplished.

5. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: our society has moved away from intellectual discourse and is moving toward threats and violence as means of resolving differences.  This should concern Christians and any other religious group that adheres to some form of dogma.

6. Christians need to be thinking about how to respond to guys like this, and groups of people who believe this but don't necessarily wear their opinions on their sleeve.  More and more people will find religious (primarily Christian) beliefs to be intolerant and worthy of violent retribution.  Christian, how now shall we live?  How do we respond to people who want to hurt us (physically, emotionally, politically, etc.)?  This is something we need to be thinking about, because the time when Christians will be forced to decide between quality of life and defending their religious convictions is fast-approaching more so now than ever before.

A Stone-Age Mentality

This morning one of the more than 400 people in my Facebook feed posted this sentiment: "Does that 'Vote YES, one man one woman' sign in your yard that shows your stone-age mentality give me the right to beat you with a stick?"  The post has so far received 19 "Likes"  and four comments that express agreement with the post, one of which reads, "perhaps it would be more appropriate to stone them."  Now there's certainly an element of sarcasm at play here, but I think this is worth thinking about in at least three ways.

First, let me express my agreement that a traditional understanding of marriage is, in fact, a "stone-age mentality."  In fact, it dates back to even before the stone age.  The traditional definition of marriage is, as Kirk Cameron said, "as old as dirt."  Marriage was instituted by God pretty quickly after the creation of the world.  So in a sense, the Poster is correct: one man, one woman is a stone-age mentality.

Secondly, the Poster implies that people who believe in the stone-age idea of traditional marriage should be beaten "with a stick."  Huh.  Yeah, that sounds like very sophisticated and modern way of dealing with disagreement.  "I don't agree with you; time for me to beat you with a stick."  How is that mentality any less "stone-age" than a belief in the traditional definition of marriage?  I thought beating people we have disagreements with with sticks would have been a trait we left in the stone-age, and not something we brought with us into the twenty-first century.  But apparently some people are still in the stone-age.

Third, I think it's important to point out the extreme hypocrisy of this post and the general way that the pro-gay agenda works.  For example, I wonder what would happen if the post went something like this: "Does that 'Vote NO, don't limit the freedom to marry' sign in your yard that shows your immoral mentality give me the right to be you with a stick?"  What would the public response to that be?  And what if someone similarly commented on such a post, "perhaps it's more appropriate to stone them"?  I imagine that if a person posted such a thing he or she would be accused of threatening violence to gay people.  Maybe even be charged with a hate crime.  Why is the same standard not applied to those who threaten violence (either legitimately or jokingly) against people who oppose gay marriage?  It's extreme hypocrisy, and it's astounding to me that people can't see it for what it is.

As I've said before, we can disagree about the issues - let's just do so in a civil and respectful way.  Can't we talk about this stuff without joking about violence against the other side and accusing each other of hate?  Here's to hoping people can get their brains out of the stone-age.

Grocery Shopping, Mountain Dew, and Sanctification

I had an interesting experience today that gave me hope for my own process of sanctification and simultaneously showed me how sinful I still am - or in other words, how much work God still has yet to do in me to make me more like Jesus.  It's an odd sensation to be sure, to have awareness of both parts of my nature so instantaneously and at the same time.

I've become the procurer of groceries around our house, and Sunday afternoons is my time to grocery shopping.  This week I went to Rainbow, since they had more of the foods that we like to eat on sale than Cub Foods, which is the food jobber I usually patronize.  One of the deals I took advantage of was the three Pespi product twelve packs for $10.99, which is a decent deal.  I placed the three twelve packs of pop on the bottom of my cart, underneath the rest of my groceries which were in the main basket.  After I collected my items, I proceeded to the checkout line.

When I got in line there was just one person ahead of me, so I proceeded to put my items on the conveyor belt.  When the cart was empty, I was able to see through the basket and saw the pop.  I had temporarily forgotten about it.  Usually you can have the cashier just scan one of the cases of pop and they will multiply it by three on the register so you don't have to lug up all three cases for them to scan each one.  Since I was behind someone else in line, I determined to just wait to bring the pop up off the bottom of the cart until it was my turn to check out.

When my turn came, I immediately moved the cart to the end of the checkout lane and began to bag the groceries the cashier had already scanned, while I waited to pay.  All of the food went through, and as the cashier gave me my receipt she happily told me that I had saved twenty-some dollars during my visit.  I was pleased.

I finished bagging the groceries and brought the cart out to my car and put the bags in the trunk.  As I lifted the bags out of the cart, the cases of pop were once again revealed, and I realized that I had never given the pop to the cashier, and was not charged for it.  I double checked the receipt to make sure.  I had indeed not been charged for the pop.

The notion of loading the pop up into my car and going home flashed through my mind for a fraction of a second.  "No," was the thought that came to mind just as quickly.  "I can't do that.  That's not honest."  I very quickly decided to take the pop back into the store and pay for it.  As I walked one of the twelve packs back into the store I was proud of myself for doing the right thing.  I reveled in my obedience to God.  "Some people would have just taken it without paying," I thought.  "Especially since no one is the wiser.  But I'm not like those people - I'm better than that."  I took the pop into the store, explained the situation, and paid for it.  The cashier I talked to said it happens all the time.

After reflecting on this experience, it's interesting to see the range of thoughts that I had, and what this reveals about my spiritual growth.  In one sense, it shows that I'm still a sinner even though I'm a Christian.  My very first thought was to just load it up as if it never happened.  I'm sure Rainbow wouldn't ever notice that it was gone.  It's a huge company that moves tons of food and dollars every day.  What's 36 cans of pop to them?  But that, of course, is not the point.  I still struggle with sin.  I still am tempted to do that which I know is wrong.

Secondly, this experience shows that I am being changed.  At one point in my life I would have taken the pop without a second thought.  It wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest.  I would have counted myself lucky.  Not anymore.  I know what is right and wrong, even if no one is there to keep me accountable.  Jesus has given me the ability to choose the right.

Thirdly, it exposes the painful slowness of my sanctification (my lifelong process of becoming more and more like Jesus and less and less enslaved to sin).  Even after I had determined to do that which was good and right, I took pride in my decision to do what was right.  I commended myself for being such a good person.  I also somewhat looked down on those who would not do the righteous thing I had determined to do.

It's interesting to see how little, seemingly insignificant situations like this expose the spiritual battle that's going on inside me.  I am justified before God and have the righteousness of Christ imputed to me.  In other words, in God's eyes, I'm righteous.  I am legally declared "not guilty" of sin.  But I do still sin.  This is what Martin Luther called "simul justus et peccator."  It's a Latin phrase which means something like "at the same time justified and sinning."  It's the paradox of the process of sanctification. We are justified before God - given a right legal standing - and yet we still sin.

Certainly my experience today wasn't monumental or earth shaking to any extent, but it was significant to me.  It shows me who I am, what I was, and what is still going on inside me.  There's still a lot of work left to be done in making me more like Jesus, and thank God that he's faithful to do it.

The Hate Map

Wow.  That's about all I can say.  I'm almost speechless.  I'm certainly disheartened.

I sat down this evening and saw this article on Yahoo News, about how Chick-Fil-A in fact did not flip-flop on their commitment to financially support pro-marriage organizations.  Earlier this week a Chicago Alderman claimed that Chick-Fil-A had told him that they would no longer support antigay organizations.  This was greatly disheartening to me, as I saw it as a colossal defeat for the freedom of speech.  Needless to say, I was happy to hear that the restaurant company in fact did not make such a statement, and is continuing to support the same organizations it always has. (Which makes me wonder what the alderman was doing - he clearly knew that Chick-Fil-A did not make such a statement committing to not support "antigay" charities.  Was he trying to discredit them in the media?)

Anyway, my speechlessness came not from the news about Chick-Fil-A, but from this line in the article, as it delineated Chick-Fil-A's support of the Family Research Council: "The Southern Poverty Law Center classifies the Family Research Council as a 'hate group,' as displayed on the group's 'hate map.'"

"Southern Poverty Law Center?  Hate map?  What are these?" I wondered.  I followed the links and was absolutely flabbergasted by what I saw.  According to their website, the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) is "a nonprofit civil rights organization dedicated to fighting hate and bigotry, and to seeking justice for the most vulnerable members of society."  OK, fine.  But I really wanted to see this "hate map" and know why the Family Research Council was considered a "hate group."

On the left hand side of the site there's a link for the Hate Map.  I followed it and was brought to the map you see below.  The numbers on each state are representative of the amount of those groups the SPLC considers to be hate groups.  Living in Minnesota, I noticed that our state has 12 of those groups.  I clicked on our state to find out who they were.

The site goes on to name each of the "hate groups" in the state, and tell why each group is included on the Hate Map.  The listing is full of several racist and supremacy groups, and fringe religious groups  - groups that are certainly worthy of the label "hate group."  In fact, most of them would probably brag about their hatred for a certain segment of the population, be it white, black, Jewish, etc.

Included with neo-Nazis, white supremacist groups, black supremacist groups, and the like, are "anti-gay" groups as well.  These groups are essentially evangelical Christian organizations.  There are two "anti-gay hate groups" in Minnesota.  One is You Can Run but You Cannot Hide, a ministry that I have financially supported in the past. (I have discontinued my support of this organization mostly for political reasons, not because of theological reasons.  They are also very hard-lined "King James Only" people, which is a view of scripture that I do not support.  I can guarantee, however, that this ministry is not "anti-gay" - at least in the sense that the SPLC declares - nor are they hateful.)

The other Minnesota organization listed as being an "anti-gay hate group" by the SPLC is the Parents Action League, a group of parents in the Anoka-Hennepin school district.  Their website defines their identity as "citizens of Anoka-Hennepin School District 11 who want to ensure that our schools remain focused on core academics and that parental rights are respected and upheld in the school environment."  Yeah, that sounds pretty hateful.

If you click on other states, you'll find groups that the SPLC defines as "generally hateful."  Some of them are churches and Jewish organizations.

What is most concerning to me is that the SPLC associates Christian groups (and non-Christian groups) that support the traditional understanding of marriage with neo-Nazis and white supremacist groups.  To them, there is no distinction between a Christian who is against the legalization of gay marriage and a white supremacist who wants to annihilate a whole race of people.

Really?  I mean, REALLY?  Christians who support the traditional understanding of marriage are on par with white supremacists, black separatists, and neo-Nazis?  REALLY?

This is truly frightening for anyone who names the name of Christ.  I've known that Christians have been labeled as hateful and bigoted over this issue before (I've posted about this before here and here), but this is the first time I've ever seen Christians equated with racist groups.  Take note, Christians: you will be increasingly labeled as hate mongers and compared to neo-Nazis and white supremacists.  You will be ostracized from public positions and your voice in the public square and market place of ideas will be increasingly silenced.  Your right to the free practice of your religion and to speak freely without fear of reproach is being slowly eroded away.  The SPLC is only the tip of the iceberg.  There is more coming.

"If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you."  -Jesus